i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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