he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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