Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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