and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
