I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
