Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
