I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
