I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
