Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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