I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
