Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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