look no pants
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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