I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
