totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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