I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
