Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
