So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
