I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
