i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
