When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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