He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
