I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it glows. i had to have it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
