btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
