Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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