I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
