i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
