he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
