And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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