OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
