Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
