At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
