Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
