He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
