so let's talk penis.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
