I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I need a burrito and a hug.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So here I am, sexting at work.
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