yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
