How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You just made me feel so damn special
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
