Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
