That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
