Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
