where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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