you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
