So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
