Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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