ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
