I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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