Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
