i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
