I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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