Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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