like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
