So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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