Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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