I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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