Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
