My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
