member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
