dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
