My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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