Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
