I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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