I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
