So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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