Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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