This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
