halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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