I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
