At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
