my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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