from now on my penis is your penis
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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