My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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