And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
