Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
