...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need to calm my uterus...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
