i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
