Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
