420 ftw
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
