you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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