like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
