yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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