Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
