he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
