sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
