Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
