Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
